White Carpets Are Of Satan!

You know what really pisses me off? People who make you take your shoes off when you go their house. I mean whats up with that? Is it that ole Martha's got some sort of cleaning disability or are these people just lazy as hell? You know vacuum cleaners are fairly simple to use. It doesn't require a PhD to use one. What a slap in the face to invite someone to your house only to tell them that they're basically not worth cleaning up after.

I don't think it even has anything to do with the fact that these people are stupid or lazy though. I think its their way of proving they are socially dominant to anyone who visits their house. I, for one, would never invite someone to my house and then demand they take their shoes off before coming in. I mean, if you're Japanese or something, then sure, take your damn shoes off. But using this as some excuse to prove social dominance over the general populace is a downright shitty thing to do. These people are sick individuals and they need to be stopped.

I'll give you an example from my own life experience. See I had this girlfriend one time. Yes Moosehammer actually had a girlfriend at one time. Ha ha! I know, its pretty damn funny. Anyways, this girlfriend moved off to Florida where her family had bought some fancy-schmancy new house. Well, I went to visit their new house one Christmas and was immediately stopped at the door and it was demanded that I take my shoes off before entering. As a matter of fact her mom put on this little dramatic act of freaking out over the fact that I would even think of stepping on her beautiful floor with my wicked and unworthy shoes. Oh the fuckin shame!. Whatever.

Anyway, it gets better, see the reason for all the hubbub was she had just installed new white carpets in the house. And not only did you have to take your shoes off before coming in, you also had to walk on these special plastic walkway mats that ran through the house. So shes got these plastic runways going from room to room in the house and you're supposed to walk on the runways to get where you're going and then jump from the runway to whatever piece of furniture you're looking to use. To make matters worse, she didn't lay the mats down correctly because she didn't want the spiked side (the part that holds the mat in place on the floor) to damage here lovely carpet. So needless to say, while I was tippy-toeing around on these mats, my feet were being eaten up by these spikes on the mats. So not only were you forced to take your shoes off and walk on these mats but you were also forced to endure physical pain with every step.

Now that I think back on it, I wonder if her parents were some sort of sick twisted sadomasochists that had developed this elaborate plan to inflict pain on as many people as possible. Damn those were some crazy people! I kept expecting them to send me outside to use the bathroom as if my human waste was not good enough for their rich person toilets.

If it was up to me, I would have installed monkey-bars going between all the rooms in the house and then electrified their floors so that way the only way to travel around the house would have been to use the monkey-bars. Then I would have given them tons of stuff to carry from one room to another and watched with glee as they fell off the monkey-bars only to get zapped on the feet.

I feel like inviting people like this over to my house and then demanding they take their shoes off before they come in. This would be expected and would show that I also appreciate the same social practices they do. Then I would demand that they all take their pants off because I wouldn't dream of allowing their pants to chafe my new leather furniture. And then I'd sit in front of them in my underwear and make them watch me scratch my privates. That would show the bastards!