Joe the Dumber

I saw a news article the other day about “Joe the Plumber”. Evidently the conservative site PJTV.com has him in Israel reporting on the ongoing Gaza conflict. Now why the hell anyone would think this guy is qualified to report on a war is beyond me. But after seeing the media behave like a schizophrenic baboon on PCP during the last year’s elections, I now believe they’ll give airtime to anyone with a pulse. But it’s not the fact that they gave this media whore a microphone that pissed me off. It’s what he was quoted as saying in response to a question about what he had learned while being a “journalist”.

Here’s what he is quoted as saying:

“I’ll be honest with you. I don’t think journalists should be anywhere allowed war. I mean, you guys report where our troops are at. You report what’s happening day to day. You make a big deal out of it. I think it’s asinine. You know, I liked back in World War I and World War II when you’d go to the theater and you’d see your troops on, you know, the screen and everyone would be real excited and happy for’em. Now everyone’s got an opinion and wants to downer–and down soldiers. You know, American soldiers or Israeli soldiers. I think media should be abolished from, uh, you know, reporting. You know, war is hell. And if you’re gonna sit there and say, “Well look at this atrocity,” well you don’t know the whole story behind it half the time, so I think the media should have no business in it.”

O.K. so aside from the fact that this guy has the vocabulary and language skills of a stoned Miss South Carolina, do you think he even knows what planet he is on at the moment? It’s no surprise this guy didn’t know what tax bracket he was in. Maybe he wasn’t purposefully lying about it after all. Maybe he was just too dumb to know anything other than “Da priddy lady on da tv say Obama bad. Me help priddy lady fight bad man!” It’s hard to believe this guy was McCain’s golden boy in the last leg of the campaign. McCain couldn’t go two minutes in a debate without saying “Joe the Plumber” at least several times. It really makes me wonder if McCain threw the election on purpose. But that’s a subject better explored at another time.

Anyway, let me get back to exactly what was said by JTP. I agree with his opinion on journalists not giving away the location of troops. So I’ll give him that one. So lets move on to where he says, “You report what’s happening day to day. You make a big deal out of it. I think it’s asinine.” So JTP doesn’t like for journalists to make a big deal out of war. I don’t care who’s involved; war is kinda a big deal. Humans being ripped to shreds by shrapnel and gunfire, is kinda a big deal. How is it that we’ve become so desensitized by lock-step warmongering dogma that we’ve got losers like this saying that war is no big deal? I say we put people like this on the frontlines and let our hard working troops get some much-needed rest.

Ok, so now lets move on to his next quote of pure genius, “You know, I liked back in World War I and World War II when you’d go to the theater and you’d see your troops on, you know, the screen and everyone would be real excited and happy for’em. Now everyone’s got an opinion and wants to downer–and down soldiers. You know, American soldiers or Israeli soldiers.” What I want to know is where in the hell did a dumbass like this guy get a time machine? How else would he know how much he supposedly enjoyed World War I and World War II? I’m glad he enjoyed it, because no one else did. And of course he thinks everyone wants to “downer” the soldiers. Only American and Israeli soldiers, by the way because everyone knows they’re the only soldiers that count. Damn! I wish I had one of those JTP time machines. Maybe I could make one if I got real damn drunk and started cementing PVC elbows to beer bottles and Marlboro cigarette butts. That’s gotta be his secret.

Ok now for the best lines in the whole quote. “I think media should be abolished from, uh, you know, reporting. You know, war is hell. And if you’re gonna sit there and say, “Well look at this atrocity,” well you don’t know the whole story behind it half the time, so I think the media should have no business in it.” So he thinks the media should be abolished from reporting. Yeah, that would work great. I guess unlicensed plumbers would take over reporting and make sure it is done correctly. Then he says war is hell. I’ll remind you, he just got done saying war was no big deal. By inference, does this mean he thinks hell is no big deal? He’ll probably loose brownie points with Palin over that one. Then he says if you report on an atrocity and don’t know the whole story behind it, then you have no business reporting on it. I think what he’s really trying to say is: gruesome deaths are only atrocities if “the good guys” die. Otherwise it might build sympathy for “the bad guys”.

Well I hate to tell him, but gruesome deaths are atrocities regardless of who is killed. That’s why war is a big fucking deal. That’s why war is hell. Because no matter how you wage war, or on who, people die horrible deaths. Innocents die. Children and grandparents die. Why does he think we should hide the truth of war? This is the same bullshit double-speak we’ve had shoved down our throats over the last 8 years. When you break it all down, what he’s really saying is, “The people of America should not be allowed to see the real horror and human tragedy that happens when we wage war. Because if they really understood how truly gruesome and evil it is to kill people, they’ll never let us go to war again. And that’s not good because “Da priddy lady” and all her buddies really REALLY like war.” There ya go Joe The Plumber! I tidied it up and put it in “smart people” words for you.

The only reason why conservative news outlets obsess over this guy is because he’s intellectually malleable and will spout off whatever propaganda he thinks they want him to. This in turn infects all the other unintelligent ditto-heads because they personally identify with other stupid people with big voices. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. Joe the Plumber will tell you what is real and what is not. It may not make sense but you’ll believe it all just the same, because he’s not some smarty-pants bleeding-heart lib-tard.

I guess I should be glad someone has sent him overseas as a “journalist”. He might learn a few things while he’s there that he otherwise might have missed out on back here in the USA. Maybe he’ll see enough atrocities to convince him that maybe war isn’t as cool and awesome as his buddies back home say it is. Maybe he’ll do a complete 180 and become a peace activist. Who knows? I just know I’m tired of seeing him and I’m beyond tired of hearing him try to speak coherently. Maybe he’ll just jump in his time machine and spend the rest of his life enjoying the fun times we supposedly had during World War I and II. We can always hope.